She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
