I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
