you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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