and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
