If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
