There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he shaved USA in his pubs
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
