She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
