Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
