You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
