k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
