I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
