I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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