It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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