so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
