I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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