Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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