If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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