Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
