Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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