Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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