Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
