he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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