but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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