I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
