Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
