and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
