I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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