Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
