You really coming over, don't trick.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
