why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
