So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
