I bet he comes in French.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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