pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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