i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
