Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
