Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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