True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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