Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
