She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
