I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
