My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
