apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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