you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
