So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
