There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
