my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
