i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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