do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
