I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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