i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
