I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
