We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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