so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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